Yesterday was my 23 birthday, and I found myself all day pondering life, who I was and who I wanted to be. For quite sometime now it has become difficult for me to even have the will to believe that God is still bringing me somewhere in life. In all honesty I've felt lost for months, maybe even for a whole year I've felt lost. The will and ambition to keep believing and keep having hope that God is here that he is working on me and leading me, that has been so difficult.
I've recently been chanllenged and faced with the question of "what is true?" "What is the truth?" Meeting and working with mutiple people who dont believe in anything, or believe in something so strongly, I look at myself knowing that I believe in the truth but now I am asking why? and what/who am I really putting my faith in? When I ask these questions I kind of feel a little insane because for two and half years I devoted my life to serving God and serving others around the world so how could I not know what I believe?
Sometimes I think we believe in things because our heart and conviction is telling us this is the truth but we still dont fully understand what it is we believe. We just know this feels right our conviction is telling us we are on the right track, and other people are pointing me in that direction so it must be true.
At work I have become friends with a young man who moved from Orange County to Pasadena to stay in a home to recover from a life of alcholisim and heavy marijuanna use. He made the move because he was seeking a life greater than what he was living. I've learned so much from our conversations. He is ambitious and determined that God/his higher power has something for Him, and that is amazing because God does have a purpose for him. I brought him to church one sunday and He was amazed by it and he loves to go now and wants to get involved serving there.
On my birthday we went to a Heroine Anonymous meeting to support my friends roomate as he shared his testimony of how he got sober. It was incredible to be in that room and hear his story. It was crazy to me that I found myself their on my birthday because I mean who would have thought, but man did I ever learn so much!
Four main things I learned from this meeting are:
1. Be ACTIVELY pursing God daily. What is the very first thing you run to when you open your eyes in the morning? We have got to train our minds to go back to God and not let them sit in state of trying to figure out how we are going to make it through our daily challenges.
2. God is your only source of strength and purpose to live. Nothing else can give you the high or experience that God gives you.
3. Be BOLD and SELFLESS in your support and encouragment for others. You never know if you are the only one who will encourage them or lead them in a certain direction because of your interaction. Dont even think twice just talk to that person, say what God has put on your heart, dont hold back on simple acts/words of kindness.
4. Isolation because of your ego/pride believing that you can live this life alone and make it on your own is the very thing that could kill you. You can not do this alone! Community and vulnerability is crucial, so dont think you can do with out them.
Now these points are practical when reading them they make sense. But looking at my day to day life they are a lot more difficult to believe or incorperate into my actions. They are easy to forget.
I was inspired by these recovering heroine addicts pursuit of something greater than themselves. When coming off of drugs you kind of have to believe that something/someone greater is going to bring you through it because in and of yourself there is no will to overcome. It is life or death for them, literally. I have never done drugs or been addicted, but looking at my life, I asked myself what is my addiction? What am i lost in that is preventing me from realizing that I need something/someone greater than me to walk me through life?
Maybe that sounds a little cheesy but really I asked myself. My answer would be pride and laziness. Not that I am addicted to my pride but I can get lost in it. The Idea that I can do everything in my own strength or that I will only do what I am capeable of because I dont want to try and believe that maybe God can do more with my weaknesses than he can with my strength. I am sometimes affraid that God will ask me to go further or take bigger risks than i think I have the courage to and I will end up failing. Or I will not end up where I wan to be. My pride limits me. Also my lack of discipline to listen to God and truly wake up giving him my day asking him what he has in store, that prevents me from going to the places I only dream of going.
I've seen God use people and I look at them and say, "yes God used them, God gave them that amazing opportunity, but thats not in the books for me." Like what! that is my pride speaking. That is my doubt speaking because all I've been living with is my strength i havent been tapping in or leaning into the strength that is higher than me, the God whos capeabilities are endless. I have become ok with the belief that God uses other people in the ways I want to be used, but he wont actually use me in those ways too.
I am thankful for where God has me at right now. I have no Idea what I am doing with my life, I thought I knew at one point, but now I wouldn't be able to give you a confident answer. What I do know is that God cares about who we are. Seasons come and go to build our character. We have to face the fact that God is able to more than our human minds can comprehend.
Also God can speak to you through anyone. I am learning to not ever underestimate who God might use to inspire you, who he might use to spark a flame of passion in your soul. I want to allow God to open my eyes to people, and tune my ears to hear what he is saying through them. Who am I to limit God? He took me to an HA meeting on my 23 birthday to start off then next year of my life with the mindset that I cannot go on with out him. I cannot keep settling for the visions I have within my own strength.
I believe God is building me up in courage, he is putting me in situations where I have to get active in my pursuit of the truth of what I believe, because people want to know. People want to know why I carry hope in a world that is without hope, and I want them to know why I do too! I am done being affraid of wrestling with God and asking him what is the truth. I am tired of making the same excuses for not seeking Jesus more. I am tired of my actions failing because I am not able to keep my mind on the purpose of why I live and move and breathe. I am tired of missing out on amazing people because of secepticism and fear. Now is the time to take action!
- Emily
I've recently been chanllenged and faced with the question of "what is true?" "What is the truth?" Meeting and working with mutiple people who dont believe in anything, or believe in something so strongly, I look at myself knowing that I believe in the truth but now I am asking why? and what/who am I really putting my faith in? When I ask these questions I kind of feel a little insane because for two and half years I devoted my life to serving God and serving others around the world so how could I not know what I believe?
Sometimes I think we believe in things because our heart and conviction is telling us this is the truth but we still dont fully understand what it is we believe. We just know this feels right our conviction is telling us we are on the right track, and other people are pointing me in that direction so it must be true.
At work I have become friends with a young man who moved from Orange County to Pasadena to stay in a home to recover from a life of alcholisim and heavy marijuanna use. He made the move because he was seeking a life greater than what he was living. I've learned so much from our conversations. He is ambitious and determined that God/his higher power has something for Him, and that is amazing because God does have a purpose for him. I brought him to church one sunday and He was amazed by it and he loves to go now and wants to get involved serving there.
On my birthday we went to a Heroine Anonymous meeting to support my friends roomate as he shared his testimony of how he got sober. It was incredible to be in that room and hear his story. It was crazy to me that I found myself their on my birthday because I mean who would have thought, but man did I ever learn so much!
Four main things I learned from this meeting are:
1. Be ACTIVELY pursing God daily. What is the very first thing you run to when you open your eyes in the morning? We have got to train our minds to go back to God and not let them sit in state of trying to figure out how we are going to make it through our daily challenges.
2. God is your only source of strength and purpose to live. Nothing else can give you the high or experience that God gives you.
3. Be BOLD and SELFLESS in your support and encouragment for others. You never know if you are the only one who will encourage them or lead them in a certain direction because of your interaction. Dont even think twice just talk to that person, say what God has put on your heart, dont hold back on simple acts/words of kindness.
4. Isolation because of your ego/pride believing that you can live this life alone and make it on your own is the very thing that could kill you. You can not do this alone! Community and vulnerability is crucial, so dont think you can do with out them.
Now these points are practical when reading them they make sense. But looking at my day to day life they are a lot more difficult to believe or incorperate into my actions. They are easy to forget.
I was inspired by these recovering heroine addicts pursuit of something greater than themselves. When coming off of drugs you kind of have to believe that something/someone greater is going to bring you through it because in and of yourself there is no will to overcome. It is life or death for them, literally. I have never done drugs or been addicted, but looking at my life, I asked myself what is my addiction? What am i lost in that is preventing me from realizing that I need something/someone greater than me to walk me through life?
Maybe that sounds a little cheesy but really I asked myself. My answer would be pride and laziness. Not that I am addicted to my pride but I can get lost in it. The Idea that I can do everything in my own strength or that I will only do what I am capeable of because I dont want to try and believe that maybe God can do more with my weaknesses than he can with my strength. I am sometimes affraid that God will ask me to go further or take bigger risks than i think I have the courage to and I will end up failing. Or I will not end up where I wan to be. My pride limits me. Also my lack of discipline to listen to God and truly wake up giving him my day asking him what he has in store, that prevents me from going to the places I only dream of going.
I've seen God use people and I look at them and say, "yes God used them, God gave them that amazing opportunity, but thats not in the books for me." Like what! that is my pride speaking. That is my doubt speaking because all I've been living with is my strength i havent been tapping in or leaning into the strength that is higher than me, the God whos capeabilities are endless. I have become ok with the belief that God uses other people in the ways I want to be used, but he wont actually use me in those ways too.
I am thankful for where God has me at right now. I have no Idea what I am doing with my life, I thought I knew at one point, but now I wouldn't be able to give you a confident answer. What I do know is that God cares about who we are. Seasons come and go to build our character. We have to face the fact that God is able to more than our human minds can comprehend.
Also God can speak to you through anyone. I am learning to not ever underestimate who God might use to inspire you, who he might use to spark a flame of passion in your soul. I want to allow God to open my eyes to people, and tune my ears to hear what he is saying through them. Who am I to limit God? He took me to an HA meeting on my 23 birthday to start off then next year of my life with the mindset that I cannot go on with out him. I cannot keep settling for the visions I have within my own strength.
I believe God is building me up in courage, he is putting me in situations where I have to get active in my pursuit of the truth of what I believe, because people want to know. People want to know why I carry hope in a world that is without hope, and I want them to know why I do too! I am done being affraid of wrestling with God and asking him what is the truth. I am tired of making the same excuses for not seeking Jesus more. I am tired of my actions failing because I am not able to keep my mind on the purpose of why I live and move and breathe. I am tired of missing out on amazing people because of secepticism and fear. Now is the time to take action!
- Emily