There has been a lot going on in my life recently, but it has been mostly in the spiritual realm that things are shifting in my life and in my heart. It is amazing how real things are even when we can’t see them.
Aside from the still recent changes in my life (moving to Seattle, working a full time job, being in a long distance relationship) God is building my character by showing me what it means to have faith and choose trust daily, and in each moment. I have a choice to make every day, and that is to go to God with open hands and let him take control of my future.
I am currently in a season that I have to stay in, no matter how much I try to find a way to change the circumstances of this season, or try to get out of what it feels like to walk through this season, I have to stay in it. It’s hard. It requires more patience than I could possibly have on my own. It is difficult to be in a long distance relationship, especially when you are dating someone who likes to explore and go on adventures, and we are limited to a small little phone. BUT, To be honest I am thankful that I can’t skip this season. It doesn’t look or feel anything like the previous adventures I’ve been on, it’s a different kind of adventure, and it involves my heart a lot. God is taking me deeper into my heart and really showing me what is in there.
Let me be transparent and say most of what crowds my heart is fear. I am continuously battling fear. I am so afraid of not doing what God called me to do, I worry that my plans are not aligning with Gods, I am afraid of being in the wrong place, I am afraid of messing up my relationship, I am afraid of failure, the future and the unknown. I hate to admit having fear because fear is a lie from the enemy. The enemy tries to steal from me by getting me to walk in fear instead of in the perfect love of God.
But then in my heart there is also this passion, this longing and a growing desire to tell the world HOW GREAT GOD IS! Because He is AMAZING and everything I am today is because of His great love, and I want the world to know it! God has called me to a life of missions, to reach people that don’t know that they can have freedom and life in God. The Idea of seeing some one’s life transformed by Gods love, and watching them walk in freedom is what I burn for, it is what I was created to do.
So my heart is full of passion, but fear crowds in, doubt about my passions and dreams begin to let me down, and I get so mad! Even now thinking about doubts and fear I just want to fight them now, take them down because those things are so stupid and so lifeless compared to the wonder of God, the magnificence of His love for me. That He would choose me to declare his goodness, an imperfect person made righteous because of the perfection of Jesus. What the heck is doubt compared to God? What is fear? Its fake! It’s a joke!
Anyways I am getting encouraged just writing this.
God has been reminding me that he offers me peace, but to receive this peace it means being okay with not understanding what is going on. It means still choosing to believe that God keeps his promises and He doesn’t lie to me, He doesn’t change His mind about what He has spoken over me, He is faithful, He is never going to let me down, even if I don’t understand how. I don’t need to know the paths I will walk on tomorrow I just need to trust the one who is leading me to those paths. Right now I have faith and I believe that my God who lead me into this season is faithful to lead me into the next one, and HE KNOWS MY HEART!
Just in the last 2 weeks God has been reminding me that what is in my heart, my desires, those crazy ideas, he actually put them there. So I don’t have to feel like I am just pursuing something that I feel like I want to do, because actually God wants me to do those things that I have a desire to do. That’s what happens when we walk in the purpose of God we actually have fun, we actually thrive, and we truly feel peace because it is what we were destined to do. That doesn't mean there is not hard times, but when we walk in the purpose of God we know that we are where we are supposed to be.
Most of them time I write blogs to help myself process what I am constantly thinking about, but I also like to share them with you just in case you are experiencing similar struggles or seasons. So if you are in the same kinda boat, let me know and I would be so happy to pray for you or even just encourage you if you want!
Thanks for reading J
Emily
Aside from the still recent changes in my life (moving to Seattle, working a full time job, being in a long distance relationship) God is building my character by showing me what it means to have faith and choose trust daily, and in each moment. I have a choice to make every day, and that is to go to God with open hands and let him take control of my future.
I am currently in a season that I have to stay in, no matter how much I try to find a way to change the circumstances of this season, or try to get out of what it feels like to walk through this season, I have to stay in it. It’s hard. It requires more patience than I could possibly have on my own. It is difficult to be in a long distance relationship, especially when you are dating someone who likes to explore and go on adventures, and we are limited to a small little phone. BUT, To be honest I am thankful that I can’t skip this season. It doesn’t look or feel anything like the previous adventures I’ve been on, it’s a different kind of adventure, and it involves my heart a lot. God is taking me deeper into my heart and really showing me what is in there.
Let me be transparent and say most of what crowds my heart is fear. I am continuously battling fear. I am so afraid of not doing what God called me to do, I worry that my plans are not aligning with Gods, I am afraid of being in the wrong place, I am afraid of messing up my relationship, I am afraid of failure, the future and the unknown. I hate to admit having fear because fear is a lie from the enemy. The enemy tries to steal from me by getting me to walk in fear instead of in the perfect love of God.
But then in my heart there is also this passion, this longing and a growing desire to tell the world HOW GREAT GOD IS! Because He is AMAZING and everything I am today is because of His great love, and I want the world to know it! God has called me to a life of missions, to reach people that don’t know that they can have freedom and life in God. The Idea of seeing some one’s life transformed by Gods love, and watching them walk in freedom is what I burn for, it is what I was created to do.
So my heart is full of passion, but fear crowds in, doubt about my passions and dreams begin to let me down, and I get so mad! Even now thinking about doubts and fear I just want to fight them now, take them down because those things are so stupid and so lifeless compared to the wonder of God, the magnificence of His love for me. That He would choose me to declare his goodness, an imperfect person made righteous because of the perfection of Jesus. What the heck is doubt compared to God? What is fear? Its fake! It’s a joke!
Anyways I am getting encouraged just writing this.
God has been reminding me that he offers me peace, but to receive this peace it means being okay with not understanding what is going on. It means still choosing to believe that God keeps his promises and He doesn’t lie to me, He doesn’t change His mind about what He has spoken over me, He is faithful, He is never going to let me down, even if I don’t understand how. I don’t need to know the paths I will walk on tomorrow I just need to trust the one who is leading me to those paths. Right now I have faith and I believe that my God who lead me into this season is faithful to lead me into the next one, and HE KNOWS MY HEART!
Just in the last 2 weeks God has been reminding me that what is in my heart, my desires, those crazy ideas, he actually put them there. So I don’t have to feel like I am just pursuing something that I feel like I want to do, because actually God wants me to do those things that I have a desire to do. That’s what happens when we walk in the purpose of God we actually have fun, we actually thrive, and we truly feel peace because it is what we were destined to do. That doesn't mean there is not hard times, but when we walk in the purpose of God we know that we are where we are supposed to be.
Most of them time I write blogs to help myself process what I am constantly thinking about, but I also like to share them with you just in case you are experiencing similar struggles or seasons. So if you are in the same kinda boat, let me know and I would be so happy to pray for you or even just encourage you if you want!
Thanks for reading J
Emily